Staring into Emptiness...

Best Friend,

So, work today was...weird. To start off, I would catch myself wasting minutes at a time just staring off into space. Several of the times I was caught by someone who then says "Sam, what are you staring at?" and then I would in turn reply "I'm not staring I'm thinking." ... I'll give you one guess what I was thinking about. Lauren, you never leave my thoughts. I walk home and think of a boy situation or something and my immediate thought is to call you and get your opinion, and then reality sinks in and its like another blow to my broken heart. I lost my confidante. There were so many secrets I had that I know stayed with you, and will always be between us. And you will never know how much that trust meant to me. To know that I could tell you anything and you would never betray me. Never let me down. Because that is just who you were Hun. I just look at your pictures, and can't grasp the idea that there won't be another album of you and I popping up somewhere. I feel like there's so much more we should have done. So many times I should have come over and just been with you. I just wish that maybe if I had done even the tiniest thing different I wouldn't be here today, alone, without the biggest part of my life. But every single wish I make is completely useless and that hurts to know more than anything else. Every thought, prayer, and hope won't bring you back and it's so frustrating to me. Why am I so powerless... WHY. I remember crying during Bridge to Terabithia thinking how sad it must have been for him to lose his best friend, and I was so mad because you talked me into watching it. And here I am. Never watching that did I know how much this would hurt. There is the biggest hole. And although I will always love you. I feel like there is so much lost. There was so much left for you to do. So much for us to do together... I feel like there is no direction to anything now. Why does this all seem to be getting harder as the days go on. As my heart finally catches up with my mind on realizing you won't be calling me back... No recording, no video, no pictures will ever capture the beauty of you. The sound of your voice cracking when you wanted your way and it got too high pitched. The way you smiled with more grace and happiness that anyone who has walked the Earth before you. You are my guardian angel. My saving grace. My everything. I love you for eternity. I miss you baby girl... I have a secret and I'll whisper it to you tonight before I fall asleep. <3 SoLo forever.

"Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I'll gladly take her place if you'll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please... dont take the girl"

--Sammimantha